How Fathers Can Lead Their Families - Part 4: Build Community

In this series, we examine practical ways fathers can lead their families. We'll touch on ideas and philosophies of leadership itself but stay focused on the context of the family and its critical role. If you've ever asked yourself where all the good leaders have gone, the answer—in part—is that the family unit has stopped creating them. You can change that.

Introduction

In the final part of this series, we converge on building a community as a critical component of family leadership.

Why Community

A community is a group with shared interests, values, and goals. They share a common life story or narrative. We covered value-sharing in Part 1, "The Family Meeting." Developing a group of people around your family who share your values is important because it reinforces those family values, gives your children opportunities to grow, and provides support for you and your wife.

The right community shares your family values. Your children see these values practiced in real life—not just as a "Mom and Dad thing"—by other adults and kids. This group becomes an external support system for the values you teach at home. Think of it as your village. Here's my two cents on the old debate: "It takes a family" vs. "It takes a village." Raising children is hard, and it requires both. I wholeheartedly disagree with the government choosing your village—and thankfully, we haven't reached that point. This means you, Dad, are responsible for providing for your family and choosing the village.

The good news? The right community supports you and your wife by offering friendship, advice, and even babysitting. This support is vital for your success and sanity. Let's get started with how to choose a community.

How to Choose a Community

We already mentioned shared values. A broader way to think about this is a shared worldview—how you see the world. It helps you focus on what matters most to you and your family. How do you answer life's big questions? Is there a God? What is the purpose of existence? What is the purpose of life? Religion is a great way to address these questions. If you're already part of a religious community, you're ahead of the game.

If not, consider clubs, volunteer work, or communities based on shared experiences—like veterans' groups or families with adopted children. Whatever group you choose, they must share your values and worldview.

The right community also shares your interests and hobbies: hiking, camping, reading, weightlifting, bike riding, hunting, shared faith, and more. These shared interests create experiences that are foundational for friendships and lasting relationships. In addition, your family will grow alongside this community. Watching your kids make friends, grow up, and even marry within your chosen community is a great joy and benefit.

A brief warning: There are harmful communities, such as cults, abusive churches, or groups that seek power above all else. They often share common red flags that help identify them. They obsess over controlling how you think, what you read and listen to, demand unhealthy commitments (like 90% of your income, excessive hours, or even criminal behavior), and discourage or punish logical, independent thinking. The BITE Model of Authoritarian Control by Steven Hassan is an excellent summary of how this kind of control works. BITE stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control. For more details, check out the model here: https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model-pdf-download/. I also highly recommend watching "Every PSYOP Will Become Obvious" by Chase Hughes for insights into recognizing manipulation tactics. Understanding these resources will help protect you and your family.

A community that shares your worldview, interests, and hobbies will go a long way in supporting your family. If you can't find the right one, your current group is too small, or it needs improvement, then learning how to build community is the next step.

How to Build Community

You find a group you think you and your family would thrive in, but it's small, needs guidance, or feels overwhelmed. That's when you step in and help build it up. Here are some key steps: start with family, build locally, and use technology. Easy to say, hard to do—there seem to be a lot of those in fatherhood!

Your starting point should always be your own family. We've already discussed having family meetings, dating your wife and children, and leading a nightly routine. These steps build your family's sense of belonging. They teach the value of community and show what a healthy one looks like. They also help you practice leading a beneficial community with respect and trust. So start here and build outward.

Whether you're starting your own group or joining one that needs help, focus first on your local area. There are huge practical advantages: saving on travel time and costs, seeing your influence and impact more clearly, and making it more effective. But if there's no suitable community nearby and starting one isn't feasible, look further afield. Technology can help.

Using tech to grow or start a group has helped me build one that's lasted 15 years. I'm a big fan of Meetup.com. There are also Facebook groups, X communities, and more. You could create your own webpage and/or email newsletter. The key is to use online tools to organize and communicate for in-person meetings, rather than relying solely on virtual ones. That said, online meetings are great for long-distance family and friends—for example, a monthly virtual gathering for out-of-state relatives. Pair it with a Facebook group or webpage where members can post updates and discuss topics.

Creative and safe use of technology can turn a group around or create a new one that lasts for decades. Add respect, shared interests, and trust, and you have a solid chance for success.

This is a challenging topic and task. Start small and grow. You can do this!

Conclusion

Leading your family isn't just about what happens inside your home—it's about the world you intentionally build around it. By choosing or creating a community that shares your values, worldview, and passions, you give your children a stronger foundation, your marriage vital support, and your whole family a sense of belonging that extends far beyond your four walls.

You've now got the tools from this four-part series: holding meaningful family meetings, prioritizing your marriage and one-on-one time with your kids, establishing healthy routines, and surrounding your family with a supportive village. These aren't quick fixes—they're lifelong commitments. But they are the very things that forge strong families and raise the next generation of good leaders.

The world needs fathers who step up. Your family needs you to lead with intention, courage, and love. Start today—choose your village, build it strong, and watch your home thrive. You've got this, Dad.

Save a Dad, save the world.